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greetings nasa it's me stephen colbert

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and i just want to congratulate you on a

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great year

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your dramatic pictures from cassini

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finding water on mars and your dramatic

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discovery of a new administration that

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believes in science

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though i urge you to never give up on

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president bush's bold challenge before

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this decade is out we must launch a

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probe to find out if there's oil in

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heaven

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and it's been a great year

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for me too

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i of course was the winner of your

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online node naming competition

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despite my coming in first place in the

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popular vote you named the node

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tranquility

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yeah

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that'll scare the aliens they're not

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going to mess with earth now we might

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get all relaxed at them

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but i was still honored to receive the

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traditional nasa consolation prize

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a space treadmill

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i couldn't be prouder that my treadmill

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will soon be installed on the

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international space station to help

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finally slim down all those chubby

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astronauts

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let's face it being weightless is mostly

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just a desperate bid to get away from

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that bathroom scale every morning

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but you guys and gals are ambassadors to

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the universe don't make us look bad put

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down the astronaut ice cream tubby

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tubby 2x4 couldn't fit through the

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airlock door

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so hit the combined operational

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load-bearing external resistance

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treadmill or bear but remember to

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stretch out first

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because in space

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no one can hear you pull a hammy

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now in closing i just want to say we are

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all huge fans here and it has been a

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true honor to make merciless fun of you

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this year

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now this is stephen colbert saying